Mad as a March Hare
by Cookie-Loving Kiara
Summary: Sanity really is a weak thing, isn't it? Big brother Nick has to deal with his little insane brother: Ellis. One-shot. A lil' Nick-bashing, just a lil' bit.


Disclaimer: I don't own Left 4 Dead.

**A/N:** I couldn't help but think of Ellis acting like March Hare from Alice in Wonderland, so I wrote _this!_ Ta-dah! This behavior does _**NOT**_ include breeding (like hares during March), so live with the fact that this is brother-love. Damn, I'm not changing the title, and 'mad as a March hare' basically means being insane anyway, right?

This is in the same house as the one in 'Sibling Problems' (which might be deleted and changed into a one-shot) but without the Left 4 Dead 1 crew.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Who knew that sanity could drain out like that?

Not Ellis.

He was already losing it from too much beer, guns, killing, blood, joking.

He never expected insanity to be so... so...

Fun.

~.~.~.~.~

Ellis giggled. It was his turn to make or buy breakfast, whichever way, they'd be eating something at least. The kitchen was filled with the soft screeching hiss of fire from the stove and everything was prepared for a breakfast of pancakes.

Footsteps shuffled and made rhythmatic _thud_s on the tiled floor. Soon, Nick walked in. He barely opened his mouth to speak...

Before a ladle came flying at him.

"Woah SHIT!" Nick ducked, and glared at the giggling mechanic. "What the hell was that for? And why-" He stared at the stove - there was no fire, only gas leaked out. "W-why the fuck did ya leave the stove on like _that_?" he yelled, running over to shove Ellis away and switching off the stove. He coughed at the smell of gas and glared.

Ellis blinked innocently and looked distractedly at the stove. "Weird," he mumbled. "Ah thought tha' there was fire just now..." He walked to pick up the ladle that was at the other end of the kitchen. Ellis stared at it and threw it up, catching it and looking at it like it was a new invention. "Tis was a spatula jus' now." he said half to himself, half to the angry conman. "Woah!" - he held it up like the Statue of Liberty with her torch. - "It can TRANSFORM!" Ellis crackled.

"Fuck that," Nick growled, grabbing the ladle and smacking the hick's head. "You didn't even _notice_ the flameless fire, assclown. I don't even think you should be allowed to go into the kitche - WOAH!" he ducked again as a bottle of beer flew over him and out the window.

This time, laughter.

"THAT'S IT!" Nick grabbed the frying pan (which was not on the stove) and swung it at Ellis, but the southerner ran out as if he had an adrenaline shot, still laughing his ass off. "Dammit, you're like a stupid Jockey!"

"But Ah ain't jumping on anyone none!"

"Nick! Ellis!" Rochelle called out; she ran down to stop the conman from chasing and Ellis stopped running, but continued giggling. "What the hell is going on?"

"That... son of a bitch... is... insane..." Nick huffed; he sat down on the sofa, tired.

"Ah'm not insane!"

"Yes you are Overalls,"

"No Ah ain't Suit,"

"Yes you ar-"

"Guys," Rochelle interrupted. "What happened?"

Nick glared at Ellis throughout the time he told the story, and when his was done, threw the frying pan at the chuckling mechanic (who caught it). Rochelle shook her head and sighed. Coach better be back soon.

"You are now crazy, Ellis," Nick scowled.

"No Ah'm not,"

"Prove it,"

Ellis looked at both of them in the eye as innocently as he could (which wasn't difficult for him). "Guys," he said in a somewhat child-like way. "Don't y'all trust me?" He gave the puppy-dog eyes.

"It's not that we don't trust you," Rochelle resisted her urge to go 'aww...'; instead she remained a sympathetic, concerned look. "It's... it's just that we're worried about you."

"But Ah'm _fine_,"

"And if you're not?" Nick raised an eyebrow. "We could always send him to the asylum."

"No, we won't," Rochelle said. "We'll just get him a doctor."

"Man, what's wit' y'all makin' decision when Ah ain't sick?" Ellis cried out; he folded his arms and pouted like a kid. "Is like as if mah wurds don't matter tuh y'all at all."

"Oh great," Nick grumbled. "Now he's _really_ a five-year old with guns."

"Let's just give him some time," Rochelle petted Ellis' shoulder. "You'll probaly be better afterwards."

Big mistake.

~.~.~.~.~

It had been nearly four hours since the kitchen incident, and Ellis wasn't getting any better. In fact, if Nick, Rochelle and Coach didn't stop him, the whole house would have been on fire.

Now Ellis was seated on his bed, staring down at his feet and murmuring to himself. "Ah don't know why they think Ah'm crazy," he looked up. "Ah ain't crazy, right?" He waited for an answer.

Silence.

"Welp, cuz they others say so," he continued.

Another pause.

"Y' know whud?" Ellis got up and walked to look out of the window. "Yer right."

A knock rapped on his door. "Hey, Overalls? You there?"

"Whud do _you_ want?" Ellis growled unexpectedly as the conman came in. He blinked in surprise at the mechanic's angry question.

"Just erm..." Nick paused. "Wanted to check on you."

"Thanks f'r yer _concern_," The last word was said rather sarcastically.

"What's up with you?" Nick suppressed the urge to snap. "I'm s'pose to be the angry one."

"Oh, so now y' admit tha' yer ah grumpy, self-centered pissed off asshole, eh?"

"Look, I don't know what the shit is up with you," Nick growled. "But you better stop that bullshit."

"Says the dude who acts like tis all da time."

"I had _my_ own proble-"

"Why's there a penguin outside da house?" Ellis cutted in; he continued staring out the window (which he never left in the first place).

"What?"

"There'sa penguin outside da house," Ellis repeated, but there was no anger in his voice. "An' it brought two chameleons wit' it."

Nick stared bewildedly at him, then the window, then back at him. The conman closed his eyes, sighed and counted to ten. When he opened his eyes, ready to talk some sense into the mechanic, an alarm clock flew at him. Nick ducked, and the clock broke when it hit the door behind him.

"Dammit Ellis!" he scolded the southerner who was holding onto his stomach, laughing loudly.

"See ya!" Ellis squealed with glee and ran, jumping _over_ Nick (who was still crouching), swinging the half-opened/closed door open (and doing so, accidentally smacking Nick in the ass with the door) and ran out.

Nick growled as he got up. "That assclown is insane," He regretted the words he said eariler, they didn't help anyway. Nick walked out. "What a pain in the ass."

Well, it was true.

~.~.~.~.~

Day two of insanity, and Ellis was completely oblivious to what the shit was wrong. The sun had already been swallowed by the horizon and street lights glowed brightly, reflecting from the low-hanging clouds. The dark sky was painted indigo, navy and black; one could barely see the dusting of stars that filled the night sky with a gentle glow.

Ellis was outside in the backyard, laid down on his back, his cap was in his hands which were neatly resting on his stomach. He was giggling and mumbling to himself, as if on the phone.

The back door creaked open, and Ellis threw a hammer at Nick without even looking.

"Goddammit! I can't help but think the more you throw shit, the more dangerous it gets!" Nick yelled as he dodged. The hammer clatter on the floor.

"So?"

"Look kid," he started. "You probaly need a doctor soon."

"Wow, didcha realise there were two words of chance?"

"Words of what?"

"Chance," Ellis replied. "'Probaly' means Ah may or may not, an' 'soon' means there's time tuh change."

"Didn't know you could read books," Nick said flatly.

Ellis sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. "Ah ain't insane,"

"Yes you are," Nick tapped his foot.

A beer bottle flew at him. Nick sidestepped; he was already getting used to this shit. He looked at the bottle and kicked it away boredly.

When he looked back up, his eyes widen. "Don't. You. Dare." Nick threatened, but the fear in his voice was a dead giveaway.

Ellis sniggered; in his hand was a _lit_ molotov, the single flame danced on the dry rag in the still air.

"FIRE IN DA HOLE!"

_Crash!_

"GAH! FUCK!"

~.~.~.~.~

Nick sat grumpily on the sofa, but his arms weren't folded for it would hurt too much. Clean dry gauze wrapped around his arms and legs - nothing_ too _serious. The rattle of pills sounded, but Nick didn't bother to catch the flying bottle of painkillers; he shifted to the right instead, and the pills landed beside him.

"You..." Nick growled. "Are as mad as a March hare."

_Snigger._

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Hmm... I'm planning on releasing a sequel to this - _if_ there are enough reviews. :D Had alot of fun writing this, especially whenever Ellis throws random shit at Nick like March Hare does in Johnny Depp's Alice In Wonderland.

Damn, wasn't funny enough... Oh who cares? I'm not talented at humour. You guys have no idea how many things I had to do research on to write this. Anyone noticed that Nick didn't curse 'tits'? - insert horror music here. -

Believe it or not, I do nearly everything Ellis did in this fanfic: the giggling, the one-person conversation (actually, I spent my time talking to enthusiastic Ellis and negative Nick who really brighten up my hell jail in school) which are accomponied by imagining people are there and talking to you, the random blabbering and jumping around all hyperactive (mainly when I get a new idea for a one-shot).

But I'm not insane.

I know I'm not.

Pleasant days and peaceful nights. *snickers*


End file.
